What a weird fucking year. Excuse my language.
But, Wow. I wanted this year to be the best year of my life, being that it was my wedding year and all. But it was....something.
It was a mix of the BEST moments of my life and some of the WORST.
|This was one of the best moments|
of the year.
December was a pretty good month.
My theme for #LifeProject2016, was to "Be the Light."
I have no clue if I did this, but I tried.
I tried being pleasant to every person I came in contact with. I tried my hardest not to get on Lucas' nerves or he on mine. I tried to tip big, give compliments, show love, and give affection. I tried to spend time with people who love me. I tried to be a good mood all month. I tried to let small things go.
So, I guess now is the time that I sum up my year, and #LifeProject.
2016 was weird. I already said that, but it really was. I started my career teaching Yoga, and that was an amazing way to start the year. And, we got married on our 13th anniversary. We had a beautiful, simple, elegant wedding and we have lived happily ever after, since then.
At the beginning of the year I dealt with a lot of stress from wedding planning, moving out of our house, finding dependable renters, and planning a year long honeymoon. I was stressed for most of the year. And that stress eventually made its way to anxiety. And anxiety slowly took over. It eventually got to a point when I was saying to myself "I can not live like this." So, I took it upon myself to treat my anxiety, naturally and therapeutically, and succeeded in getting rid of about 98% of that ugly disease. That in itself, was one of the most rewarding things, all year!
However, when I look back over the year, I can't really look with fondness. I look back with dark clouds, regret, hurt, stress, with a little pocket of 3-4 amazing months.
So, did the #LifeProject help this year?
I think, for the first time I am going to have to say "no."
Of coarse, there were moments that I came to some grand realizations about myself, and the project definitely kept me busy and working toward a more healthy mentality, but it did not cause magic to happen in my life. The first year working on these projects, my life changed exponentially. Everything good was always happening and over the top! But as the years have worn on, things change. My motivation staggers. My inspiration fell off. My drive dwindled. Without those qualities, working on these projects becomes more of an "acting out the motions," rather than actually feeling the inspiration that it was meant to produce.
So, as I have been trying to shine my light, this month, I have realized I need to take a better look at where I put my energy. When I am being spread too thin, I start to stress, become anxious and lose my creativity and inevitably my "inner light" begins to dull. I realized that cutting out activities from my life that are no longer serving any purpose is the first step in simplifying my life. Eventually, I will begin to allow my inner light to shine brighter than it ever has before.
I am not complaining about this year, or the stresses that I have had throughout. I am actually extremely grateful for another year, anxiety or not. I learned SO much from surviving 2016. And in retrospect, maybe the #LifeProject didn't make me happier or better in any way, but it taught me more about myself than it ever has before. It taught me my strengths and weaknesses. I taught me how to overcome the downfalls of life. It taught me how to handle stress- or moreso how NOT to handle stress. It taught me so much about myself.
This #LifeProject taught me how to distinguish between what I think I need and what I actually need.
In all, the project had its ups and downs, just like 2016.
Just like life.
For 2017, I will no be partaking in another Life Project. I have decided to take the energy put forth throughout the project and aim it at something else that has been calling to me. I will continue to blog throughout the year about various topics- yoga, meditation, travel related, hippie shit- but all project stuff is done. Stay tuned for other fun stuff. Just because I am not working on a #LifeProject does not mean that I am done working on myself!
I am #alwaysstriving!
Anyway, I am SO happy to see 2016 go.